ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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