I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
