I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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