My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
