my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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