we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
