Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
