His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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