i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
