smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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