and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
