Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
