Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
