My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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