I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
