you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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