HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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