hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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