the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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