1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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