Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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