i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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