She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
