Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Damn victory sex feels great
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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