Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
