jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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