i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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