I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
did i just pee glitter
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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