2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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