haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
