Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
