big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
