if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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