There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
