dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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