dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
