i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
