Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
