if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
