this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
