OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize