is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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