So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
