I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she told me i tasted like america
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Im part way to drunk.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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