nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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