you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
