it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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