we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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