just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
