textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
