do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
