I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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