Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
