What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
