I just saw a hot homeless man
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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