If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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