I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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