I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
