Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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