Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
