Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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