There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
