i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
