you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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