So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
