Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
