If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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