haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
