connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
