Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
